Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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