We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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