This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
