are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
