What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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