420 ftw
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
