I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
of course. lets lasso hookers.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
