You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
