Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
