You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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