I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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