Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
