shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I wear drunk well.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize