Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
