nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
