I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
