you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
