Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
