Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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