i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.