I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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