My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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