yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
