who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
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Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
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My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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