the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
