Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
