If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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