$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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