Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize