since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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