just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
