I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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