need another drink. this is the easiest way
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
