Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
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he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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