3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
