People with herpes should wear stickers.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
