pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
