last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So apparently I’m into choking now
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
