They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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