Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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