i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
