Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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