Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
