he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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