I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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