I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
