Im at strip club and am horny
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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