Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
