Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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