I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
