Umm I'm too high to move.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
