Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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