She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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