obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
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I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
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I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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