I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
there is glitter all over my balls
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
