some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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