Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
