remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
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It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
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I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college