Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
