Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
