Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
