I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
