I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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