Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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