Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
